Today I am writing to all couples out there. Young, older, just married, not married, with kids, without kids, same genders, mixed genders, couples who recently met, couples who are together since ever.
Despite your diversity, there is at least one thing you all have in common. Intimacy or lack thereof. I am referring to different levels of intimacy, namely, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. These four types of intimacy play a particular role in a relationship.
Do you remember your first dates with your loved one? Perhaps in the beginning it was more about mental and/ or physical intimacy. Your common interests resulted in your first date, during which you had a few meaningful conversations and shared perspectives leading you to a second and third date. Or maybe you had a strong mutual physical attraction which translated into physical contact right from the start. Either way, you started building up on this mental and physical way of being intimate bringing you closer together.
By keeping on seeing each other and getting to know one another, an environment of trust and connection is undergoing. This new level of intimacy creates a safe space to hold the other’s feelings, and to share emotional experiences. You are not just adding to your intimate web, but rather expanding it as you learn more about yourself and your partner.
Spiritual intimacy may be connected to your religious beliefs, but not necessarily and not only in that strict sense. Being an atheist or agnostic does not rule out the possibility to connect spiritually to another human being. In addition, reaching a spiritual intimate state goes beyond not only what is tangible as well as what our minds can apprehend. When you experience spiritual intimacy with your loved one, you have entered a whole new dimension.
This intimacy journey looks different to each person, to each couple. Everyone has their own story, needs, expectations, fears, rhythm. All these factors, among others, contribute to a successful or unsuccessful path towards the ultimate level of intimacy in your romantic relationship.
It is not a have it all or not have it at all-scenario, as the pathway to intimacy requires two people who walk alongside in the same direction, open and ready to deepen and strengthen their connection. It is also not represented in a straight line pointing forward, but more of a roller coaster that sometimes involves some backward laps.
What it does entail, on a deep level, is trust, honesty, commitment, and openness. I believe we all dream, even if only unconsciously, to reach the ultimate dimension of intimacy with our soul mate. After all, beyond shared opinions, thoughts, feelings; soul sharing takes place. We get to be ourselves with the person we love without reservations, boundaries, moralities. We drop the masks, and we see beyond as much as we are seen by the other.
Though it may seem unattainable, I do believe we – as individuals as well as a couple – have the potential to enter this level of intimacy. How? – you might be wondering. Well, in the need of a starting point, I’d say try something outside your comfort zone as a couple and go from there. Enjoy this discovery journey as you grow and commune with the love of your life.