Mid-life crisis. Is it just an age thing? Or is there something else behind?
We hear stories of friends or friends of friends (sometimes our own life story!) where someone leaves the other suddenly after years together. One day, this person gets home and announces that the relationship is not worth to fight for anymore and decides to leave.
I have serious doubts about the "suddenly" as if these situations would happen out of the blue. Usually there are signs, it is just easier and less painful to ignore them.The circumstances can be endless. A shared reality is no longer there, the love for one another is not enough, there is another person in the picture. The person who is left behind might be caught by surprise but even when it is not, pain is inevitable.
More interesting is to explore what leads the other person to leave. What makes them give up and move forward? What role plays our unconscious in these situations? Is our unconscious’ need for expansion the one taking the lead?
I do not know if you ever stopped to think about self-betrayal, but if you didn't perhaps this is an opportunity to do so.What I mean by self-betrayal is our ability - at least temporary - to lie to ourselves about what really matters. Our attempts to trick our authentic self into believing something that does not mirror our soul.
You may be wondering what we would gain in betraying ourselves. Perhaps the question here is who is tricking who. Our ego and our unconscious represent different interests in our inner world. Whereas the unconscious eagers for expansion and novelty, the ego fights to keep the order and protect its territory.
Even though life may be like a dance between unconscious and ego, truth is most people live a life ruled by the ego. The more the unconscious feels ignored and pushed down, the more it will try to emerge and be noticed. Sometimes in ways that are unexpected and feral. Not because it wants you to feel in pain, but because its amorality is only focused on connection and expansion. Something that the ego can't provide.
When we feel uncomfortable and do everything in our power to shut down our unconscious, we are only giving more power to our ego. We are betraying our authentic self, the part of us which makes us move toward change and growth.
Back to the scenario where a couple splits when one of the parties abandons ship. Would this be just a selfish act? Or could this movement be propelled by the unconscious which can no longer bear the self-betrayal? There is only so much that the unconscious can hold locked in a cage. Your ego may try to protect you in its distorted view of the world, but it is only when you step outside your comfort zone that the world is mirrored from the inside out and then back in.
Who says a romantic relationship ending, says also someone suddenly quitting their job or dropping everything to travel across the world. Our unconscious starts dropping hints from time to time asking us to look inside and follow our soul's calling. The more we ignore the signs, the louder they become.
If you were to ask me about the possibility of ignoring your unconscious your whole life, I'd say it is possible though not without a cost. Among different scenarios, depression, dissociation, and overall illness are probable.
Before deciding to turn your attention away from the signs, listen to what your inner voice is telling you. Before betraying yourself for what you may think is the bigger picture, remember that you are in that picture. It is your life we are talking about. It should not be about survival, but rather a path of purpose and authenticity.